THE OTHER PORTLAND (The Daily Whatever Press) — Maybe I’m a nerd, but anyone who knows how U.S. ZIP codes work should have noticed that everything they were booking was for 97-something-something-something, and not the 0s that Maine’s ZIP codes start with.
I live in Fort Wayne. We’re 468s. I grew up in South Florida, which is 330-badda-bing. I lived in Seattle, where everything is 98-zippity-do-dah. I know that shit the way I know every word of “Rock Lobster”: involuntarily, and forever.
And yet. Defending Main Street — a Republican super PAC that bills itself as the grown-ups, “the governing wing of the Republican Party,” the sensible-shoes people — spent between $20,000 and $25,000 from October 8 to October 11 on a digital ad attacking Troy Jackson, the former Maine logger and Maine Democrat running against Susan Collins, in Maine. “Maine can’t afford Troy Jackson and all his taxes,” it warned.
It warned Oregon. And Washington state. Hundreds of ZIP codes, more than 1.25 million impressions according to Google’s Ads Transparency Center, all aimed at a city on the wrong ocean, roughly 3,000 miles from the Portland with the lighthouse on the coffee mugs. You, know, the other Portland. No, not that one, the OTHER other Portland.
Hahahaha. Wut?
Defending Main Street couldn’t find Maine Street. Bada-bum! I’ll be here all week! Don’t forget to tip your waitress.
Who caught it? Not the PAC. Not its vendor. A woman out West named Lillian Belle, who posted on X that she’d “gotten 5 anti-Troy Jackson ads in the last 24 hours.” Five a day, for a man who isn’t on her ballot, in a state she doesn’t live in. Somebody get that woman a restraining order against the governing wing of the Republican Party.
Jackson’s spokesman, Dan Gottlieb, got off the line of the week: “Susan Collins and her allies are so out of touch with Maine, they can’t even find it on a map.” That’s a good one, and it’s also such a layup that your nursing infant could have spit-burped that as its first words. Andy O’Brien, a Jackson ally, said he was glad they were wasting money “in Oregon and not continuing to waste it in Maine.” Bless.
Sarah Chamberlain, the PAC’s president and CEO, told NBC she was furious and called the whole thing “ridiculous.” Agreed! The ad buyer, Cross Screen Media, explained that it works on thousands of campaigns. So, you know, sometimes one of the thousands takes a wrong turn at the Mississippi and keeps going until it hits Powell’s Books. Pssst, Cross Screen: Maine is the one on the right.
If I were a Republican strategist this morning, here’s the speech I’d be giving the bathroom mirror:
“If we don’t win, it’s a blue tsunami, and look who we’ve got bailing the boat. Absolute fucking idiots who couldn’t find their way out of a paper bag. Couldn’t find their way out of a paper bag if the bag were in Portland, Maine, and they were in Portland, Maine. We are just absolutely doomed.”
Because the timing is chef’s kiss. Collins has held this seat since 1997 and has a habit of winning races the polls say she’ll lose. But a Washington Post–George Mason poll and a Marist poll both have Jackson up four. CBS News and YouGov have it tied, 50–50. Kalshi gave Jackson a 58 percent chance on Monday. Barack Obama endorsed him. Bernie Sanders rallied with him in Bangor. And the people paid to save Susan Collins ran her attack ad for the cast of Portlandia, who actually live in LA, but that’s a whole ‘nother thing.
Somewhere, Susan Collins is very concerned. She’s always concerned. It’s her factory setting, like the Krusty the Klown doll in that Simpsons Treehouse of Horror episode, except her settings aren’t “good” and “evil”. Hers are “concerned” and “selling out all women, democracy, and any residual faith you had in American government.”
The only people who ever went looking for something in Oregon and actually found it were the Goonies, and they had a treasure map and Sloth. Defending Main Street had a ZIP code field and nobody who knew what it meant. I don’t want to bag on the Gen Z interns who helped Senator Eric Shmitt drop a royal turd of wrongness in the Jack Smith hearing, but maybe it’s the same guys?
Ahhhhh, here comes the best part…
The vendor refunded the money. The PAC says no donor funds were lost. Which means Republicans accidentally gave Troy Jackson more than a million free impressions among West Coast progressives, possibly the single most likely demographic on earth to Google a lefty lumberjack and chip in twenty-seven bucks. I’d bet a lobster roll at least one of them did — tho’ if we’re being real, the two Portlands probably conjure different mental images of what a “lobster roll” is (one thinks sushi, and the other thinks sandwich). Republicans just ran a free ad for the other guy. Pretty generous, don’t you think?
Okay. I’ve had my fun. Now the part I mean.
Don’t mistake a dumb PAC for a dead campaign. The ad is fixed and running in the right Portland now. Maine is one of the top spots in the country for political spending this cycle, and the rest of that money is not going to Oregon. Two more debates are coming, October 13 and October 15. A tied poll is a tied poll. Idiots with money win elections all the time; I’ve watched them do it for most of my adult life.
So laugh. I am. Then, if you’re in Maine, vote early or make a plan for Election Day, and drag a friend. If you’re in Portland, Oregon, and you now know way too much about Troy Jackson, put it to work: donate, text, phone-bank.
Susan Collins’s own allies couldn’t find Maine on a map. Make sure Maine finds Troy Jackson on the ballot and sends Susan Collins home.
Thanks for stopping by!
We’re Dana DuBois and Lawrence Winnerman, lifelong BFFs and co-hosts of The Daily Whatever Show — our independent home for smart, irreverent conversations about culture, politics, media, creativity, relationships, aging, and whatever else is shaping modern life this week.
We’re live every Friday at 10am ET with thoughtful analysis, sharp interviews, cultural commentary, humor, and the kind of conversations that don’t pretend everything is fine when it clearly isn’t.
If you’re enjoying what we’re building, please consider supporting our work with a paid subscription. Your support helps us keep the show independent, book fascinating guests, and continue creating smart conversations with your morning coffee.
We love you — mean it!
I definitely let out some very loud, belly moving, loud laughing at this inanity. Then promptly sobered up realising these are people leading and influencing too many U.S. citizens for me not to be snapped back into terror
hahahaha dumb gophers!