Look, I know we all love our pets and think they’re the greatest. But I’m afraid you must accept the simple truth here, which is that Josie is the very best cat ever and that is my final answer.
I mean, look at her.
Josie’s just got her arms crossed, posing all Princess & the Pea like on the pile of sofa blankets like hey, here I am.
Photograph me like one of your French girls, I’d like to think she’s saying…
You might want to disagree. Perhaps you think your cat is cuter, or sweeter, or better in some way. I assure you, that can’t be true.
Look, Josie doesn’t even want to fight you.
She’s too sweet and hungry and dumb to fight. And that’s exactly how all the best cats should be — painfully stupid, eternally sweet, and at least a bit chronically hungry.
Josie excels at all these things. She is never sated and will beg me approximately 6,251 times per day for MOAR CAT FOOD. And look at her face.
I give her more cat food. How can I refuse her face and her dainty, pathetic little mews?
Josie is what’s called a dilute tortie. It’s like she’s a tortoiseshell cat who faded out into this amazing greyish tan variegation; in certain lights she nearly looks lavender. She also has this unique “comedy/tragedy” marking that splits her cute face in two, darkness and light, only both in mid-tones.
Torties are know for their feisty, ornery dispositions. Not so with Josie. She’s as docile as they come. When she was a kitten and my daughters were wee, they’d dress Josie up in tutus. She’d just sit there, placid.
She’s the perfect family pet.
Look at that perfect little cat loaf.
This is all a cat should be. Utter perfection.
We adopted Josie from PAWS in 2011. I went there because they had a wee calico kitten available for adoption and I reeeeaaaaally wanted a calico. So I raced across town to meet her, got ushered into the kitten meet-and-greet room, and tried to gain the attention and affections of one tiny, adorable, deeply aloof calico kitten.
While I sat there, Josie sauntered over, crawled into my lap, spun in a circle or two till she found the perfect placement. She then plunked down, turned her head upwards to stare at me as if to say, “Relax, I got you. I’m yours now and you’re mine.”
And then she just purrrrrrred.
I mean… how could I refuse her overt moves? She was meant to be mine. So I dashed across town to grab my then three-year-old so she could meet her. Of course, she was smitten. We had to take her.
When I looked at her paper work, I could see she was from Joplin, Missouri — a long way from the Pacific Northwest, where we live. I asked PAWS about it and learned she was one of the last of the Joplin tornado displaced kitties they’d taken on.
I was awed to hear this. She’d traveled so far to find us, and known such upheaval in her young life. Part of me thinks that’s why she’s so loving and accommodating — because her life started with tragedy.
What’s a little game of dress-up compared to a devastating act of nature, right?
Josie also has a brother, Kispin.
Kispin is awkwardly bad at being a cat. He makes weird noises and chews on weird things and hides. He vomits, a lot, and when he does the noise he makes is gahhhhhhh. It’s awful.
He mostly hides, and he likes to wake me up too early by chewing on my shoes, loudly, which is annoying (but effective).
See? Cats aren’t supposed to be smart.
We love him, but he’s just an odd creature.
Still, look at them, getting their snuggle on…
Josie even forgave us for getting a puppy.
It wasn’t the kindest thing to do to an elder cat, but darn-it, there was a pandemic and so we got a dog. Her name is Kira and she loves Josie. She steals Josie’s hard-won food, and licks her ears, and is generally a floppy puppy menace.
And sweet Josie? She just… takes it.
In conclusion, Josie=best cat ever.
I have no further points to make. I will simply leave you with this photo of Josie posing as a Christmas gift from 2021.
Anyone else out there have a dilute tortie, or really, any other cat I need to know? Please share links to your kitty stories in the comments!
This story was inspired by our May 5 episode of “The Daily Whatever,” where we invited special guest Karen Marie Shelton to talk about—you guessed it—our cats. You can watch the episode here:
The Daily Whatever, May 5: Cinco de Gato 😻
Huge thanks to Karen Marie Shelton for joining us on The Daily Whatever!
I do have tons of cats stories, but they have yet to be written.... so... to be followed ! Ps. Great post ! 😻🙏
My cats are a little offended